Meet The Artist
Hello Spooksters!
I'm Emma, the Grand Master of The Spook Shack.
For practically all of my life, I've been a fan of psychology, art, philosophy, music, a sharp wit, and horror. I've always been very open with my interest in all of these things with the exception of horror. When you realize you like to get creeped out, you don't always wanna broadcast it. As I got older, I would often find myself conducting research to learn more about horror movies, the people involved in making them, and the meanings and emotions behind them. I also started reading different creepypastas and true crime stories, learning about the darker side of psychology and reading up on neuropsychology, and I very often wondered if I was super messed up being so into these things at such a young age.
Why did I enjoy scary things? Why did I feel such an intense desire to learn more about the things that made me fearful? Was I a creep, a bad person?
As an adult, I understand now that interest in horror is not an uncommon thing. I've also learned that there is a large culture of horror fans who often question themselves like I have. Does enjoying horror entertainment reflect a flaw in one's character? Do I have to have some dark, twisted mental or emotional shortcomings in order to enjoy scary things?
Everyone may form their own ideas on this, but I'd like to share mine.
I'm one of the billions of people worldwide who have major depressive and anxiety disorder, with a big ol'’ dollop of social anxiety disorder (seriously, my social anxiety is a beast of her own). Anxiety and depression are feelings that I can recall experiencing as far back as my memories go. I did not want to talk to my family about it at first because I didn't know anything was off, but then because of the great fear that one of my many family members would feel that they were to blame in some way. I didn't want them to know how depressed I was, because they didn't cause it. I didn't want them to know how many different anxieties I'd come across during the day, because they didn't do anything to make me worry. I'd like to preface this by saying -- if you want help, if you need help, if you think you might need help, or if you think you're past being helped, please reach out to someone you trust. If you don't have someone to go to, please use online resources or call 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
Though it isn't a replacement for proper mental health care, I have found horror to be a great coping mechanism and source of relief from some of my mental illness. It took some years before realizing that while reading/watching/listening to spooky things, I was able to almost "turn off" my mental illness for a moment (I know that isn't actually possible). There are many studies on why people are interested in horror and how different brains react to fear. People with specific kinds of anxiety disorders have been found to be more drawn to horror than those without these disorders. There are a few theories on why this is, and research is still being done. From all of the different reports, forums, interviews, etc. that I've read so far, it seems that there is a common theme of anxious people finding some sense of comfort through horror. Weird, huh? Whether it is the sensation of having something more tangible for your brain to focus your worry on, or the feeling when the credits pop up and you know you've made it through being afraid, there is some type of calming sensation that comes with watching horror movies.
“Exposure to horror films can be gratifying when the negative emotions caused by the film are manageable. The genre allows us to voluntarily - and under controlled circumstances - get experience with negative emotion.” - Dr. Mathias Clasen
When I'm getting ready to watch a horror movie, read a creepypasta, watch a horror short on YouTube, or read about the psychology of a brutal killer, I know I am in control without having to think about it. I am choosing to expose myself to fear, to let down my guard and allow myself to focus on one thing and only that one thing. My mind isn't filled with racing, anxious thoughts or my inner demons swallowing me into a giant bubble of black tar depression. For the time, I am immersed in whatever media I choose - I am not inside my head with my demons, but inside someone else's head, looking at their demons in the eyes in the form of art, words, music, or in the case of movies, all of the above all at once.
When I paint something, I usually don't know what I'm going to paint when I start. But once I start, when I really get into my process, I instantly “snap” into myself and it's almost like I am processing each negative thought I had been repressing or denying space. But, instead of analyzing each thought and each bogus idea of inferiority, those things turn into colors and images in my head which leads me to what I paint. This might sound like the ramblings of someone who had a little too much coke with their coffee, but I'm fine sounding crazy.
Horror touches on emotions and real-life scenarios that most other genres don't go to. The piercing grief of losing someone, the numbing reality of losing parts of yourself to mental or physical illness, that hot-cement-in-your-stomach feeling you get when you realize someone close to you might have ill intent, and the feeling of just undeniable, lucid fear. The things we don't talk about. The things that we like to pretend don't happen. The things we would rather ignore than have to confront and cope with. Horrifying things happen every day. Somewhere, right now, someone is being put through something more horrifying than anything we could fathom. Maybe if the world acknowledged more of the horrors going on, and the severity of those instances, we would all have more common ground; a greater purpose for our hate and our focused effort. It isn't fun to think about all the bad in the world. In order to change things, we have to first realize their existence. What can we prevent by allowing space for troubling thoughts to be expressed? Maybe nothing. Maybe something.
I hope that through The Spook Shack someone can connect with their fears, anxieties, and demons, and, in turn, connect with their subconscious strength to overcome these things. I encourage you to push yourself enough to allow my art to promote your own self-reflection.
Horror is very real. But so is the ability to overcome horrible things.
